Such news

Today was R Day - results day. Throughout this whole journey it has been a roller coaster and today is no exception. We were scared to be too hopeful because every other appointment we had been to we had been optimistic and every time we had been knocked back. And so we feared being positive today. Nigel and I both felt that our best case scenario was that they still hadn't got clear margins and it would be another, potentially larger, op. The other scenarios of lymph nodes and spread were too scary to contemplate.

Just to set today in context, my breast surgeon is away on extended leave and so that very very senior consultant who we met with several times and who performed my first surgery was not who we were seeing. The surgeon who did my second op, and who was lovely, worked at the sister hospital. It was him I was meant to see yesterday but that appointment was cancelled. This was now a third breast surgeon consultant - the lady who was covering for my original surgeon. A Miss Mella. Oh and how utterly lovely she was, not at all severe but lovey and kind and smiling.

Nigel is allowed in for the consultation but has never been allowed in for the examination even when I have asked. Today when I asked she said, 'of course, he can'. She shook our hands, examined me and said it was all healing very well and I had very good movement and then she said I was to get dressed and come next door to the consulting room and then - best thing ever - she looked at the two terrified old people in front of her and said 'its all good news'.

When we sat down she led with - it's good news. It was no in the lymph nodes, there were no more invasive cells found and they had clear margins. I no longer had breast cancer. We both cried. I think I cried more than if she had given me bad news as mostly I have been very stoic when they have given me the bad news.  She said I would need radiotherapy as the breast tissue had been compromised by the cancer and surgery and so that needed to be nuked. I also needed to go on hormone treatment as my cancer was oestrogen receptive and the hormone therapy would get rid of the oestrogen. She told us I would be on anastrazole. Yet more good news as we had been researching medications as we knew I would be on one of them, and anastazole was the one we wanted as it is less dangerous than some like Tamoxifen. I start the tablets immediately and I also have to take calcium tablets and will have regular dexa scans because osteoporosis is a risk. The next stage is that I will be seen by my oncologist and then be prepared for radiotherapy in a  few weeks. She was so lovely, going through any questions we had and we just couldn't stop smiling and crying. We had both been so stressed and worried. I think it is almost worse for the one who doesn't have cancer as they have to watch their loved one go through pain both physical and mental and can't do anything other than be there. It's been very hard on Nigel and hard too on my best friend who has been there every step of the way.  We said how grateful we were to everyone involved and how wonderful they had all been and how blessed we were that it was picked up on a routine mammogram. She said I was one of the people who had really benefitted from thouse routine scans.

 

We came out in shock really. We have lived with this fear and worry and - at times - sheer terror - for almost 4 months and suddenly there was the light at the end of the tunnel. We went straight to the chapel because, without our faith, without God's grace and support, without Him shouldering so much of our burden, we would not have come through this as we have. We were keen to say thank you.

 

So, life goes on and we have learnt valuable lessons, some of which we already knew but have been re-learned and strengthened.

We have learned what is important in life, and what isn't, we have learnt about time and using it wisely. 

We have learnt that, broken as it is in many places, our NHS is staffed by wonderful compassionate, efficient people from the admin staff to the nurses, doctors and consultants.

We have learnt that I can survive a general anaesthetic (something I was terrified of). 

We have learnt that faith is what will see us through the big challenges. Our faith has been strengthened through this and has strengthened us.

We have learnt that there are more people rooting for us than we might have thought.

We have learnt that a cushion is a girl's best friend in the car to protect you from the seatbelt. 

We have learnt to hug one-sided so as not to touch a sore booby.

We have learnt that one of us can dress the other, and help them bath and dye their hair!

We have learnt that when you say pain is a 4 on a scale of 10, which you think is OK and bearable you get whacked with more morphine

We have learnt morphine makes me sick (and I can stand more pain that n I thought without it)

We have learnt that for the first 8 days post surgery bed is NOT your friend as you who are a side sleeper will never get comfortable.

We have learnt that getting to the hospital early is essential as parking is limited.

We have learnt that our biggest spend in the past four months has been on hospital carparks and we really don't mind.

We have learnt that skin heals, bruises fade and odd shaped boobs really don't matter

We have learnt the joy of seamless soft sport's bras which might not look pretty but are awesome

We have learnt that worrying doesn't change anything so we just need to put it in God's hands and try and forget the worries

We have learnt that when you have blue isotope dye injected into your nipple the blue booby doesn't just go - it might never go - but that it is just another battle scar that shows we survived

We have learnt that the one sort of dressing I am not violently allergic to is clear waterproof dressing.

We have learnt that getting surgical glue off a healing scar is a long process and vaseline helps

We have learnt that a best friend feels your pain with you and is ALWAYS there for you

We have learnt that more things than you know require lifting things  and raising your arm up above shoulder height happens more than you know

We have learnt that breast cancer affects one in 6 women in the UK but that there is a LOT of support out there

We have learnt how good the Dorset Breast Screening Service, the Ladybird ward and the Jigsaw building are

We have learnt our way round both Bournemouth (easy) and Poole (a rabbit warren) hospitals

and a lesson I never expected to learn but I have now learnt - only taken me 62 years - it is OK to do nothing, to just sit. I don't have to be scrapping or walking or painting or crocheting or reading. It is OK to just sit. That was something I never thought I would learn.

 

 

I can't really do a proper thankfulness today because I am thankful for such big things - that I am breast cancer free (still having gynae investigations), that we got through this with the Lord's help, that we met so many wonderful people along the way and that we have been loved and supported by so many.

 

Comments

[Sara O'Shea]

So relieved on your behalf. I’ve been praying for you. Sara

[Janet Dunn]

So very happy for you Karen. Onwards and upwards now girl!!! Xx

[Barb in AK]

What wonderful, gigantic news! Karen, I couldn't be more thankful, and I join you in praising our Lord God for His grace and blessings.
And now that you have found that just sitting is okay, I hope you and Nigel can just sit and with huge smiles on your faces, snuggle and relax--just plain ol' relax! Love and hugs!

[Maureen]

Such great news, Karen. I admit to shedding some happy tears here today for you. Lots of best wishes to you and your wonderful support team xx

[Amanda]

So relieved and happy to read this Karen. I'm crying too. Love to you both and hope the rest of your treatment goes smoothly.

[Mary]

That’s great news Karen! I will keep you in my prayers.X