Dolly's Dreamings

Tough Days

Kira - who we are going to refer to as Lazarus - has had an interesting weekend. Saturday she drank the Felix soup, minus anything sold, quite well. She wouldn't touch the stuff I liquized for her (don't blame her mind) but unusually she spent most of the day rolled up in her blanket on our bed and she never came into the lounge at all Saturday night  Sunday we had a different cat. She was so painfully quiet on Sunday. She didn't eat and she didn't drink all day, she stayed in bed and we weighed her and she has lost 11% of her body weight in 12 days. We felt it was hopeless and then in the evening she came and sat with me on my knee all evening but she kept getting off like she couldn't get comfortable.

Today she ate two soups for breakfast and has had two for tea just now! However we spoke to our wonderful vet and he said we should now try the gabapentin which will either do nothing, make her a little better or make her a zombie (it will be hard to tell to be honest) It is the last thing we can try and obviously she cannot continue like this. Either she has to start eating a little or we have to make that decision. We have an appointment Wednesday which is to say goodbye - although we know we cancel it if a miracle happens. However, I fear it won't and we cannot let her suffer like this any longer.

We put the lights on last night for her - the Christmas lights. They have always been her thing and we always say we have the lights on for her. She would sit and look at the through the window. We will put the tree up tomorrow so she can see it because heaven knows we wont feel like it after Wednesday.

 

So it is all a bit sad here really and not much of anything is getting done. But I can share the pages I made for my class at ATDML this weekend. I didn't make them this weekend - the class went live this weekend. It used the gorgeous Lily and Moss collection. 

 

 

 

 

and I especially loved this one.

 

Today I am thankful for

 

• a vet who is so understanding
• 17 wonderful years with Kira - and still having hope.

 

The Good news and the Bad and it is all so wrong

 

We have had another very bad week with Kira and we know we are nearing the end. We took her back to the vets and he had two more things we are trying but he agreed with us. She is 17 and has been a loyal, loving wonderful little girl and she doesn't deserve to suffer like this. I think if she looked ill, or couldn't move or was being sick all the time it would feel different. But she looks well - her coat is lovely, she is getting very thin but she just cannot eat. There is nothing obviously physically wrong that he can see, no teeth issues, throat issues etc. But it appears it is neurological. When she was at least trying to eat there was lots of head tossing and spitting and tongue gaging like she just cannot chew. We have tried everything – absolutely everything including liquidising food. But no – she just cannot eat. We are now feeding her the Felix soup which she will drink. She cannot eat any of the solid bits but she can manage that but obviously that is not enough to sustain her. In addition to that she had dementia and there are times she just prowls and howls – really really howls. It is like she doesn’t know where she is or what is happening. We asked the vet if some of it could be she is looking for Fiki and he agrees it is possible.

Our aim now is to keep her going until Monday when we can see our own vet again and we all agree that that is probably the time we have to say that she deserves some peace. It even hurts to tyoe it and most of today and yesterday was spent in tears. We are not stupid; like all responsible pet owners we know that one day we will have to make that ultimate decision for them to let them go if it is best for them. But we are also fur mommy and daddy and she is our little girl and it is killing us. We have been battling this since the end of August and she picks up a little then drops back and each drop is a little worse than it was before. Today she had been out of bed – our bed where she is wrapped up in her blanket on the end of the bed – to drink her soup but goes straight back there which is so unlike her and we feel indicates she is in pain and unhappy. Having lost Fiki just 8 weeks ago this feels like one blow too far and like it is just too much to bear.

To compound it all we had other news yesterday. We have been on waiting lists for two new babies as we know the wait for proper Bengal kittens from genuine breeders can be a year or more. We knew we would never be catless and debated getting a rescue cat or older cats but in our heart of hearts we wanted Bengals and they can be a bit tricky if you don’t have them from babies. Ours have been exceptional in that they are total lap cats and friendly and amenable. There are too many bengals that can’t be handled. So we knew we wanted Bengal kittens. We didn’t care what their markings were like it is the breed temperament we want – yes all that craziness that comes with these very special cats. Well we heard yesterday that just the right cats had turned up for us and it couldn’t have been at a worse time – or a better time. They are beautiful and both boys. They were born the day Fiki died – how odd is that – and just like Kira and Fiki they were from a litter of 6 and had to be handfed as the Mom wasn’t producing milk. Just like Fiki and Kira the breeder lost three of them. We had a long long chat with the breeder and we have seen videos of them now and they will be ours just before Christmas. Yes we are thrilled that we will have a new fur-ever family but we don’t want anyone to think we are just replacing our beloved babies, because that isn’t what it is about. We hoped they might both be here to enjoy the new babies but it doesn’t look like even Kira is going to make it.

I held her in my arms yesterday and told her she could feel easier knowing Mommy was going to be OK because we both feel she has been more affectionate than ever since Fiki died partly because she needed it and partly because she knew we did. So here at the moment our hearts are breaking and we also feel we cannot face being excited about the new kittens as it is too much to cope with. I am sure once we have made the decision about Kira that we know we have to make for her sake, we will adjust and have some joy in anticipating our new arrivals, but just now it is hard here.

Sorry – if you made it through that then jolly well done!

I have some scrapping to share - though I confess I haven't done much as not in a scrappy place - but these were new releases at Pckleberrypop

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and a couple of paper pages

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today I am thankful for

my wonderful little girl Kira who has brought us so much joy and so much worry. 

 

Happy Thanksgiving everyone and a lot of gratitude

Happy Thanksgiving - and no, we are not American, but many of our friends and family are. We always celebrate Thanksgiving here to be in tune with them, and let's face it, being thankful is always a good thing to be. It is time to reflect on our many blessings.

 

This year we are especially thankful for

• keeping safe and well amidst the mess that is COVID 19
• enjoying so many years with Nigel's mom before we lost her and also feeling a sense of relief for her as dementia stole her bit by bit
• having 17 wonderful years with our beautiful Bengal boy. We couldn't have had a naughtier, prettier, more affectionate cat and being without him hurts every single day, but ultimately reminds us how blessed we were to have him
• still having our beautiful little girl even though we know her days are numbered. She continues to be a joy (and a challenge)
• having this year's health scares behind us and being largely pain free most of the time
• having a lovely home where we are safe and warm with food on the table and money for what we need
• being properly retired - COVID twisted our arm to give regular work up completely - and we are loving it
• the beautiful area where we live. No holidays this year but the sea is near and lots of places to visit
• our wonderful friends and family and oddly, even though we are separated by COVID restrictions, we are in many ways closer than ever
• our faith, which sustains and nourishes us
• and most of all we are thankful for each other. We are so blessed to be best friends as well as husband and wife

so we feel truly blessed.

 

 

a couple of silly pages to share- give an old woman a snapchat filter and she can amuse herself for hours.

 

 

 

 

 

and a celebration of the Big Cat Sanctuary at home that Nigel arranged for my birthday celebration with friends and neighbours

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Thanksgiving everyone and I pray you are blessed too xx

 

 

 

 

 

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas.

Yes I know it is early, but it really is beginning to feel a lot like Christmas here.

Yesterday - in readiness for Thanksgiving rather than waiting for the 1st December this year - we put our Christmas lights up. I love lights - we have fairy lights on our mantlepiece and headboard all year. This year we bought some new lights for two trees on the balcony but the one of us who ordered them ordered white cords and he realised he had made a mistake. So the other one of us spent over an hour painting the wire. Not the easiest task I have ever done.

 

and today I have made the front of my Journal Your Christmas book. I love JYC and have done 8 of them but I ran out of ideas and haven't done one for a few years but this Christmas promises to be nothing if not different so I thought I'd have a go.

 

 

It will be bound when finished and I had fun making the door and the wreath.

 

It is also new release day at PBP and these are two pages I made.

 

 

 

 

 

Today I am thankful for

• Christmas - I do love it
• audible - I tried a free trial and I am enjoying it

 

 

An Amazing Light

I have been blessed to live by the sea for most of my life but walking by the water is something that never gets old.

We often choose to take our daily exercise at the beach and always have but we agreed we have never seen light like today before.

It had been raining one point one of the cruise ships would hit a patch of sunlight and glisten and shine and at another, it would be shrouded in mist and darkness and almost vanish. The Purbeck hills were just dark patches but suddenly the sun hit them and the shone in an iridescent green. The sky was amazing and god's light was all around and very visible. It restored a troubled soul.  Please not photos don't do it justice. We wished we had had proper cameras with us. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have been scrapping but I cannot share the pages just yet as they are for a guest design team spot and for a class.

 

Today I am thankful for

• Nigel being my rock - always
• Kira eating again
• a wonderful soul-enriching walk

And these are photos where they just got the exact right angle and moment - brilliant

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A recommendation and some prettiness

Firstly I want to recommend a book. I am not sure if I have recommended a book on here before but I feel THAT strongly.

I am an avid reader and enjoy a wide thriller is always high on my list of favourites. 

I have just read this... the pace moved continuously throughout the book and I cried - a lot.

 

 

The story of a school lockdown event - it is fabulous and is only 99p on Kindle too.

 

I have some scrapping to share too ... I have been playing with Pinkfresh Studio Days of Splendour which I was sent as part of the Design Team at A Trip Down Memory Lane

 

 

 

An unexpected day outing Shaftesbury - no real reason other than we are retired and that is where our noses led us

 

 

 

 

 

and also this one for the never-ending Coast to Coast album

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today I am thankful for

• wintery days and cosy clothes
• friends on line
• scrapping goodies - those pizza boxes never fail to thrill

Halloween costumes that nailed it

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and more amazing tattoos. Personally I would never want a tattoo but I recognise the wonderful art in these.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and finally I leave you with this

 

There was a strange light in the sky!

The weather has been grim lately and so today was a real joy. I had seen the forecast was

We headed out early to call in and get yet more food for Kira. I haven't updated on her recently but it has all been a bit of battle of late. The thyroid is under control but we were struggling to get her to eat. She seems unable to chew anymore - and we have had her teeth, tongue, throat etc all checked. So we have had to find a range of soft pate foods she will eat. That has been a challenge and she will eat something one day then not touch it the next. Add very spoilt to her list of conditions I think! We seem now to have a formula that works and she has anti-nausea meds as the kidney disease can make them nauseous too. In addition, she had dementia and I think she is having little fits too. She is often very disorientated and looks confused. It all sounds awful but she looks the picture of health, still purrs and plays and cuddles and so we think she is as good as she can be. We don't want any more treatment other than her routine meds. We just want her to be as happy as possible for as long as possible.

We then went for a lovely walk at Kingston Lacey in the sunshine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was beautiful and a lovely long walk.

Yesterday I painted a picture to make some Christmas cards

Card 1

Card 2

 

Today I am thankful for

• a wonderful reassuring vet
• every day we have with Kira
• a beautiful walk

 

It's a Berry Big Deal

The new releases for the Berry Big Deal collection to get gifted these collections to make pages to showcase their wonderful work. They are all on offer until the end of Thursday so go and check them out because they are wonderful.  The kit picture is, as always, a clickable link to that collection in the store.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Back to feeling OK

It took a few days to get the drugs out of my system (gosh that sounds bad doesn't it!) but I feel far more myself today. I had yet another needle yesterday as it happened to be my scheduled flu jab. I know I had a different vaccine than Nigel as he had the over 65 one (lol at that!) but he had no reaction and my arm came up in a hard sore hot red lump again, but heck, that just shows my body is busy making antibodies. So hopefully I will soon be protected against the flu and in another 7 days I will be happy that I escaped catching COVID in hospital (but sssh don't tell anyone I have been coughing a lot today.

 

I have been scrapping today but I cannot share yet as they are the new Berry Big Deals for next week and oh my, the designers have excelled themselves. Watch out for them on Wednesday.

 

But I do have these to share

This was such a lovely photo of Carly and it shows the love she has for the birds and they have for her

 

 

 

This is an odd photo but is there to tell a story. It was the hotel room where I had my accident, slipping in the shower quite badly. It made me feel very old and very sore.

 

This was a challenge on UKS and showcases the beauty of the lodges at night when we stayed at The Big Cat Sanctuary

 

and finally, another challenge and story page telling of how Nigel met a genuine red-neck out in the boonies.It's not a great artistic page but to me iit is what scrapping is all about - telling a story and keeping a memory

 

 

Today I am thankful for

• feeling more like myself
• a nice walk between stormy downpurs

 

Overjoyed

I know many of you knew I was undergoing a  range of tests over the past 3-4 weeks and was worried as they were all being done under the red flag because it could be cancer banner.  I spent the day in hospital yesterday having day surgery and was terrified, mostly because I was fearful of a general anaesthetic due to age and size which made it more risky.

The anaesthetist was wonderful and suggested as I was so worried that she used a spinal block and sedation. She guarenteed I would feel nothing nor would I know anything about it what so ever. And she was right. There was a great difficulty with the spinal block because -w ell because I am me - and instead of two little injections I have 14 proud holes but she was so lovely and I don't mind the bruises I have. It was one of the oddest experiences though. At one point when I woke up (well I hadn't been to sleep of course but it is like you have' my leg was right ont he edge of the bed witht he foot sticking out and I couldn't sit up and I couldn't move my leg and I had to ask someone else to lift it back on. Very odd. And very odd as it came back bit by bit.

The excellent news is that it is not cancer, it is nothing sinsiter (though I still don't know why I am gettingt he pain. I was able to come home yesterday evening in a much happier, if more sore, state than for the last 4 weeks. We are both so relieved and thank the Lord for his many many blessings. I am in no dounbt that the many many people across the world who were praying for me helped.

Before I move on to happier things I must give tribute to our amazing NHS. In what has been surely one of the most difficult years for the NHS ever, every single person, from the wonderful ladies on the phone who rang with cancellation appointments and details, to the amazing compassionate, tireless nurses and thorough radiographers, to the absolutely mind blowingly reassuring anaesthetist and the wonderful surgeon and the auxiliary staff who were so helpful ... every single person in the NHS was utterly wonderful, so committed, compassionate and wonderful at their job with such humanity. We truly don’t always recognise how very very lucky we are in this country ... not just with the service we get but in the dedicated people who give that service. They have faced unprecedented things on a daily basis and must have feared going in to do their work on so many occasions this last year. They must still be afraid and yet they take time out to reassure us that it will be ok, that it is safe, that they are looking after us. Two of the nurses who cared for me had been in ITU in April and May ... what horrors they must have had to work through. I took time to talk to them, to thank them, to recognise their sacrifice for others. And I felt incredibly humbled. We are truly blessed.

 

On to some happier thoughts and topics

 

I spent ages fussy cutting leaves and so used them on two different pages

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

and now it is received I can share a birthday card made for my brother-in-law which looks simple but actually took an age to make

 

 

Today I am just so thankful for

• NHS staff and the system
• health
• a good diagnosis
• the faith of friends praying for me
• my best friend who kept me sane playing games with me by text whilst I waited to go down
• my wonderful supportive husband
• and yes - painkillers at the moment