The Making of Me

This is a blog post I should have done 10 or 11 weeks ago, but I wasn’t in the right place to do it.

I am closer to that place now and able to write about the issues.

The reason I determined to do it today was in response to the prompt from Shimelle for her Blogging for Scrapbookers class today. I am not sure how she manages to inspire me so consistently with prompts and ideas from various classes, but she does, and today’s prompt really spoke to my heart … so here it is … the first blog entry in the ‘Making of Me’ category!

 

I had a sort of epiphany in the summer this year – the sort that I should have, by rights, had a long time ago.

Let me set it in context.

Ever since I can remember, certainly since my early teenage years, I have been a big girl. Chunky. Large. Buxom. OK … I can say the word … FAT!  And I have just carried on getting larger and larger. I think, because it happens bit by bit and is a gradual thing, you don’t really notice it too much.

I mean I KNEW I was overweight. I knew I had to shop at shops for larger ladies. I knew I weighed far more than was good for me. But I did sort of try, half-heartedly, at times to diet. Sometimes I would even manage to lose as much as a stone. But then I would put it back on, and more.

 

I can honestly say that, most of the time, I wasn’t unduly bothered by it. There were times when I hated myself, times when I would cry and be depressed, but most of the time I was OK with it. I never really ate badly. I ate too much and the wrong things at times, but I was never a massive eater. I didn’t gorge myself. I was used to wearing baggy clothes and being reasonably sedentary. Then a lot of things happened all at once.

• My best friend started a very strict diet – which I disapproved of. But when I chatted to her about it and researched it, it started to make sense.
• I realised I was going to be celebrating a milestone birthday next year.
• I decided I was tired of struggling to find clothes that fit.
• My knee problems were getting worse and worse due to excess weight.
• I couldn’t bear to see photos of myself.

And it hit me……

 

NOW was the time to seize the moment. Now was the time to do something about it. I COULD take charge of my own life. I COULD change myself and drastic action had to be taken. So I did it.

I started on The Cambridge Diet on 28^th August 2009. I researched it carefully and all the risks involved, but it is right for me. It is done under a doctor’s supervision and is very carefully worked out. It is strict, it is tough and it is a hard regime, but it is right for me. When I have dieted in the past I have always cheated. You know the, ‘well I have been very good today so I could just have….’ type of scenario. By removing food, any food, I took that decision away from myself. I have identified my triggers and, apart from the first couple of days, I have to say it has been the easiest diet I have ever done. Because the choice has been taken away. I have porridge (which is gorgeous) for breakfast, a shake for lunch and soup for tea and a bar split between a morning and an evening snack. And the weight has fallen off.

 

And that is what I needed. I needed the fast start to make me motivated. I needed to remove the temptation to keep me going. I needed something drastic. In 11 weeks I have lost a total of 45 pounds – that’s more than 3 stone or the equivalent of 22 bags of sugar. I was carrying 22 bags of sugar round with me all day every day. It’s not surprising I was knackered and my knees were bad.

 

 

I have never felt healthier or more positive and my mind set has changed completely. I feel good about myself. I am no longer hiding under bagginess and anonymity. I exercise every day. I am fitter and happier and I KNOW I am never going back to what I was.

My journey has only just begun. I have a LOT more weight to loose, though not all so quickly and dramatically. And I will be maintaining for the rest of my life. I know my triggers and know the risks and will have to be careful for ever and make sure I maintain the healthier lifestyle, the sensible choices and the new weight, but I feel I am in the right place to face it.

I know I am in for a tough time when I come off the diet for a month in December and have to ‘do it on my own’ with sensible diet and exercise. I am dreading that, but I also know I can do it. Buying my first size 16 clothes in years has given me the determination I need. And one day they will be size 14 or maybe even size 12.

 

I won’t get there overnight, but I will get there.

The buzz the last couple of weeks when people have noticed has been immense. I am starting to like my tired old body a bit more and am proud of what I have done. Yes I wish I had done it years ago, but then I also know I had to be in the right place mentally for it to work.

I like myself so much more I am not prepared to give up on myself any longer.

So – there it is. The first step in the making of me….and a huge step in owning up publicly about it, facing my demons and starting to put them to rest for ever.

 

 

Thank you so much for bearing with this post which is probably one of the most personal and I guess self-indulgent I have ever written, but then as I have always said, I blog primarily for me. It is my therapy and writing this has, indeed, been good therapy.

 

But - for those of you who come because there just may be soemthing crafty in the offing - I don't want you to be too disappointed.

 

This is a double page I made at Scrapfever last week

 

Comments

[Carole]

Karen, that's brilliant. You must be so proud of yourself.

I think losing weight needs a similar mindset as giving up smoking - you have to want to do it for yourself and it needs to be just the right moment.

And there's nothing like that feeling of buying smaller jeans, eh?

[Photographing Mom]

Karen, congratulations!!!!

[Fun Mama - Deanna]

Congratulations and good luck. I also struggle with my weight. I wish you much success with your goal! I'm a classmate from Blogging for Scrapbookers.

[heather pettet]

Go Karen! Well done xx

[Rachel]

Thank you for sharing something so personal with us. I really enjoyed reading your story and think you look fabulous in your photos.

[Lizzie]

That was very brave! Well done for the decision to act, the action, for sticking to it and for the discoveries you have made along the way. Well Done for losing the weight - I am so glad it has done you so much good and made you happy. And Well Done for sharing - I know it's your blog, but you have let us all come and read it too. I think you should feel proud of yourself.

[Val]

Congratulations on loosing all that weight, you have done so well, so give yourself a gold star.

[Jane Thorpe]

What a wonderful and inspiring post! Congratulations on all the success from your hard work :) You look amazing!!

[Kat]

What a difference, Karen! WOWEEE!!! Well done you! Congrats!! :) Really looking forward to seeing you "shrinking" even more!!! :)

[Cheri]

Good for you Karen! You go girl!

[Sara]

I thought you looked fantastic when I saw you at Scrapfever! I really admire the way you have been able to stick to such a tough routine...shows huge determination and will power. You can definitely do it by yourself in December...I know you can.

[Jennie]

Well done Karen!! You look fantastic - what a brilliant achievement!

[Fay]

Congratulations with the weight loss. After losing 47 pounds myself this year I totalling agree that you have to be in the right frame of mind to tackle a weigh issue. Look forward to seeing more pictures of the slimmer you!

[Deb L]

Good for you!

[Amy]

Fabulous! Keep up the good work.

[Lynda B]

You are LOOK-ING GOOD GIRL!! Well done you, and over a time that hasn't been the easiest for you either, you must be very proud. You are still an inspiration.

[Jay (UKS)]

You're looking fabulous Karen. Keep up the good work. I'm looking forward to seeing your progress.

[Amy]

SENSATIONAL! Well done - doesn't it feel fabulous to be in control of how your health is going to be? Keep up the good work!

[Denise]

Way to go! I hope you can continue on with great results. Thank you for sharing.

[Annette]

How very brave to publish something so personal. Thank you for your fearlessness. Keep up the good work! (I'm in Blogging 4 Scrapbookers, too.)

[kathy mancini]

Congratulations! That is AWESOME. Keep up the good work.

[Ruby]

Thank you so much for sharing such a personal story! You should be so proud of yourself!!!

[Pat]

You've done fantastically well Karen, it must have been hard to stick to at times, but boy I bet you are so proud of yourself now.

[Heather]

You look STUNNING girl...that is a major achievement WOW! So proud of you :-)

[ana roat]

I just came across your post and it is truly heartwarming. I too am a "foodie" and am in serious need of a lifestyle change but always seem to put everything ahead of myself. My wish for the new year is to be "fit at 50". I've got a year to go and am excited about the changes I'm going to make and the new me at the end. Thank you Karen for giving me the encouragement to move forward. Here's to shopping for skinny jeans--ok, maybe we'll just stick to size 12!
Happy Holidays from No California, USA
ana